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Anyone have experience with dating a wealthy guy?
Me and this guy have been hitting it off recently. Hes wealthy. Very much so in fact. Lives in Manhattan the whole 9. I am of average means and still in college so I find it a little intimidating. Not that Im intimidated by his money its just that I dont have the type of cash to reciprocate some of the things he does and might do in the future. Idk why but that makes me a little nervous. Because In a way hes putting more into it than I possibly could. Do any of you have any experience or advice with this?
I dated a rich Manhattan guy once… cheapest fucker Ive ever met.
we dated for like 6 months and he had an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of what we spent on dates to make sure we were spending equal amounts. he was also really weird about me being in his place alone, so I had to leave his condo whenever he left for work, even if I was off that day or going into work late.
and the one time in 6 months I got him to come out to my neighborhood, he complained incessantly about how ghetto it was.
god knows how I let that relationship last longer than a week, much less 6 months.
Cant afford to lose a single penny when thats all you have going for you.
early on in the relationship, he told me a couple stories about how friends had really screwed him over in the past, so I was understanding about the money thing (in college, he went on a cruise with a group of his friends. afterward, they basically stuck him with all the bills and dropped off the face of the planet)…
I make decent money myself (would be upper-middle class if I lived anywhere other than NYC) and Ive never expected or wanted anyone else to take care of me.
shit like not wanting me in his condo alone was just weird, though. if you dont trust me after 6 months of dating, what are we doing together? and complaining about my neighborhood being ghetto was just obnoxious. I dont have a door man and a private parking garage, but its a safe neighborhood and rent is dirt cheap… its a very hispanic neighborhood (predominantly Central American immigrants/working-class folks) so all the local food is great at least.
Cheap,andsafe in NYC? Please tell me of this neighborhood.
Im in Jersey City. not the ritzy part down on the waterfront, but not the bad part either. Im a 15 minute walk from the PATH station, paying $900/month for an apartment that would be three times that if it were located 20 minutes east.
Ive been in your friends position for most of my relationships. Im not super wealthy, but am well enough off. I really dont want it to be a topic of conversation, ever.
Usually, well split the bills on the normal stuff (pizza, beer, groceries). When I feel like doing something clearly out of the budget of my bf I cover it (vacations, sports tickets, parties…). A quick hug of thanks is nice, but really I dont care, Im just happy to have someone who enjoys doing this stuff with me.
Ive had a relationship where my bfs insecurities about money pretty much ended things. That sucked, and actually made me feel bad. I just want to be treated like everyone else. Money does not make me better than anyone else. Im no saint.
We do the same. I cover 75% of the rent and utilities – he covers the rest. I generally pay for vacations and dining out and we split the small stuff 50/50.
Add up the total amount of monthly income, and then divide your earings by the whole. Multiply that percent by the cost of monthly bills.
He doesnt have a job at the moment so his earnings are zero. We chose the number based on what he used to pay for rent. He has quite a lot of savings from when he had a job that he could easily live on for years.
Oh I understand that him being jobless for the time is certainly an exception, just saying how it would work otherwise.
On the flipside of this (ish). Not a trust fund baby, but working in buy-side finance, mid-20s, so for all intents and purposes, pretty wealthy relative to other people my age. Case in point: I make about 3x what my bf makes.
Theres a couple ways that this guy could be going about this (probably more than that, but in my experience there are at least two).
The good way, IMO, is that he doesnt really care about the money in the sense that he knows you dont make as much as he does and isnt keeping a tally of dollars in, dollars out. He wants to spend time with you, and wants to do the things he wants to do, and the reality of the situation that he (hopefully) realizes is that hes going to pay for it. Whats important here is to reciprocate, which doesnt have to be about money. Plan interesting and fun dates, cook him a meal, be thoughtful and sweet, etc. Just because hes rich doesnt mean he only values things that cost a lot of money, and so there are ways that you can bring awesomeness into his life that dont require you to shell out a lot of dough. And offer to pay for the cheaper things if you can. If you guys are just having a day in the city, and youre getting pizza on the run, offer to cover that. He probably wont expect you to cover half of everything you do, but make an effort to show youre invested and not mooching (something people who have money think about a lot).
The bad way is if he thinks his money is good enough and doesnt invest himself in the relationship in other ways. So he doesnt care about money, because he has enough of it, but because hes paying for everything he thinks that is bringing enough to the relationship and so he doesnt have to do anything else. Needless to say, this probably wont end well unless (no judgment here) thats what your looking for. It doesnt seem that thats the case from your post, but if so, or if it turns that way, just go in eyes open.
At any rate, dont talk about money all the time. For a lot of people, wealth is the single defining characteristic of wealthy people, and that seeps into their conversation every 20 seconds (not least because wealthy people are often guilty of the same). Im guessing this guys isnt talking about his house in the hamptons, cottage on the cape, 40 cars, etc every 20 seconds, and so he probably doesnt want to make his wealth an issue (if this is not the case, then hes probably way 2) and you shouldnt make it an issue either.
tl;dr Rich people are used to having money and it often doesnt mean as much. If hes a good guy, he wont care and you can still make things awesome in non-monetary/thoughtful ways. If not, he probably still doesnt care, but wont bring much more to the relationship. Dont make his wealth the single most important thing about him.
Well….He has brought up the house in the Hamptons and his car collection. But obviously those things dont bother me. But I see what you mean. Thank you for your very well thought out reply. This gives me something to think about.
Completely agree with the top part of this comment. Hopefully it goes well.
Wait, can we talk about your move to private equity?
I actually work in venture capital. Happy to answer questions, but is there a particular reason why?
Im interning in banking and theres a fair likelihood that I could end up in an investment banking analyst role post-graduation. Im a bit overwhelmed by the idea and theres a lot to consider in terms of lifestyle and exit ops so Ive been trying to gather the perspective of as many people who work in the industry or related industries as possible!
French BS student here, would you please help a fellow gaybro find an internship in finance or just give some advice 😛 ?
Gaybros is a network built for gay men. We come together around shared interests like sports, technology, and media. Our subscribers have hosted social meet-ups all around the world.
Gaybros is a network built for gay men who arent confined to a media stereotype. We come together around shared interests like sports, technology, and media. Our subscribers have hosted social meet-ups all around the world.