If you shack up in a house full of men and women as I did in Mallorca, there will inevitably be conversations about the other side. Men want to learn more about how women really think in order to get more women or at least find one perfect woman to treat right.
I imagine its the same for women, although men are much easier to figure out. All we want to do is cuddle, give you foot massages, and make pancakes while youre still in bed every morning. Is that really too much to ask?
One woman, lets call her Chica Bonita, recently went through a divorce. Money, the number one reason for marital breakups was unfortunately one of their main reasons as well. Perhaps they had spending differences or perhaps the economy was unkind to two budding successes in their respective fields. I didnt want to dig.
When I asked her whether shed go out with a not-so-rich fella again, she said, Absolutely. But can he at least be attractive? Fair enough. Who doesnt want to go out with a good looking beefcake? But by the end of our enormous plate of paella con mariscos and bottle of ros she changed her mind. OK, Ive decided Im only going to be with a rich guy in the future because breaking up over money problems is terrible! I did the whole poor fella thing and never again.
I know a bunch of rich guys who are looking for someone but dont want women to explicitly know they are rich. Part of the reason is because women say they dont want to date rich douchebags, as if all men who are rich are automatically categorized as douchebags! So long as you have more you will always beconsidered arrogant to others, even if youve done little to warrant such disdain. Miserable people cant help butdiscredit other peoples achievements.
At the same time no man wants to feel used either, which is why some of the best relationships come out of college when both parties have hardly anything. Men realize its difficult to compete in the game of love if they dont display some type of status. Thats why you see some guys spend a majority of their money on BMW car payments while living in a shack or worse yet, theirmoms basement.
Rich guys arent stupid. They know that wealth can help make up for any physical deficiencies or personality disorders up to a point. Women constantly buttress this phenomena as we constantly see regular looking fellas date women way out of their league. The tie that binds is almost always money and both sides acknowledge.
Theres a lot of nice guys in the world, but there isnt mathematically a preponderance of wealthy gentlemen walking around. Only around 12% of the American populationmake more than $100,000 a yearand I would sayonly 1% of the population is truly considered financially rich. Women are more attracted to nice AND rich guys all else being equal.
Now do you see how difficult it is to be the sex who always has to make a move? Its all the womans fault for sending mixed messages about secretly wanting a wealthy man but trashing them at the same time for their wealth.
I asked Chica Bonita how she plans to find that rich guy if she cant really tell if hes rich in the first place. Remember, shes looking for that low key rich guy. I was sincerely curious to know since it sounds like a difficult mission for both men and women to pull off.
She responded simply, Mannerisms. You can tell a guy is well off by the way he speaks and the way he acts. Women will pick up on subtleties along the way. The key for a guy is to show enough to pique our interest, but not enough so we know everything.
BAM! So for all you rich guys out there who know youre a great catch for any lady, work on your diction. After cutting out those umms, likes, and pauses from your speech, start hitting those vocabulary enhancing apps. Instead of using the word homeless consider using the word mendicant before donating $10 in front of her while walking down the street. Instead of rambling on about a thesis, consider summarizing your thoughts in three succinct points. Maybe you can even learn a joke or two!
After youre done sounding like a sophisticated gentleman, make sure youve got great posture and perfect eye connection. Given that youre not allowed to wear outlandish designer clothing, youll need to be fit to look good in your t-shirt and jeans. Dont be fooled by beauty. More than half the battle to looking good is just being in great shape.
Dont hog the conversation time either. Make the dialogue dance in a 50/50 split. If you can amaze her with your listening ability and show that you empathize with her various concerns youre well on your way to leveling up. Shell eventually find out you are big balling. By then, itll be up to you decide whether you want to bust out the foot massages!
Rent boat. Row boat. Avoid ducks. Hope it doesnt rain. Have your woman ignore everything you do. NYC 2013.
* Education:If he went to a good university or has a graduate degree from a reputable school, chances are high he makes more than the median income. Memorize the fact that the median income for 29 year old MBA graduates from the top 20 schools is around $120,000 a year to start. Know that first year cardiologists, radiologists, and orthopedic surgeons make at least $250,000 a year in big cities and 30%+ more in smaller cities. Heresa chart of the median total pay package for graduates from the top 15 MBA schools.
* Occupation.The large majority of people whove worked for more than 10 years in the field of medicine, strategy consulting, investment banking, private equity, venture capital, successful internet startups and high tech all make six figures a year and have net worths of over $1 million dollars. If they dont, they will with enough time and financial competence. Hence, if you want a wealthy man find a man who is in his mid 30s or older. It all depends on how old you want to go as you can find plenty of 65 year old fireman with enormous pensions as well!
* Items of clothing or accessories.Its almost impossible not to wear anything nice if a man has money. Common things to look out for include watches, dress shirts, shoes, belts, and wallets. One good hint is to see whether his dress shirts are tailor made. Tailor made clothing isnt necessarily more expensive, but they do provide hints that the man cares about quality and potentially travels for work, which are both correlated to wealth. Many wealthy men also cant help but drive a nice car or wear a nice watch. Memorize that entry level BMW 3 series, Audi A4s, Mercedes C series, and Lexus IS models cost about $40,000-$60,000 and go up in 35% increments for each successive line. If hes paid cash, youre golden. If he leases, youve got to figure out whether he put in on his company (good), or whether hes leasing because he cant really afford it (bad). Women should also look out for watches like the Rolex Stainless Steel Daytona, IWC Big Pilot, Hublot Big Bang, Audemars Piguet Royal Oak, and Panerai Submersibles. They cost between $7,000 $15,000 and are considered a wealthy mans everyday watch. Finally, look out for guys who rock $100 digital watches from Casio and Timex. Wealthy guys love to go the complete other way.
* Attitudes about wealth.For the mass affluent, there is an inverse relationship between how much wealth you display and how wealthy you are. The more men try to showboat their wealth, the more likely he is spending beyond his means with credit card debt. Women should question a mans thoughts on debt and consumption by asking about the state of the overall consumer. Most wealthy men I know have a good understanding about finances in general. They take calculated risks with their money and have firm opinions about politics, social welfare, and foreign affairs. Wealthy men try to look for as much value as possible because theres a deeper appreciation for a dollar earned.
* Homeownership.In 2007, the average net worth of a homeowner was $200,000 vs. a average net worth of only $5,000 for a renter. A lot has happened since then, but the real estate market is clearly recovering. A 40X greater net worth difference is statistically significant.Canadians have enormous net worthsdue to a bull market in housing. Women should figure out whether the man owns his primary residence and when the primary residence was purchased. An innocuous way of finding out is by assuming a man does not own by asking, How is your landlord and is s/he raising the rent this year? If he is a homeowner, he cant help but admit his ownership and probably when he bought because hell be so proud. Obviously there are very wealthy renters as well. If your man is a renter, then its up to you to figure out whether he owns other assets like a large stake in a successful company.
The more observant a woman is the more shell be able to figure out whether the guy is wealthy or just another over levered Joe Schmoe. Wealthy men in the San Francisco Bay Area make it a sport to look poorer than reality because its in our culture. Were the ones who pioneered Casual Fridays during the dotcom era and popularized billionaires who wear hoodies and flip flops at work. Wealthy guys looking for love just need to figure out whether the woman is interested in him or his money. Well leave that topic for another post!
Women, how do you tell if a guy is rich if he doesnt display any wealth? Why do women overtly criticize wealthy men for being douchebags but secretly want to snag one of their own? Whats wrong with men being rich and successful? Would you rather date a rich average looking guy, or a poor really good looking guy all else being equal?
Men, what are some of your strategies to look more low key? Have you ever met a woman who turned out to like your wealth more than you? Are you as encouraged as I am that a latest study shows that 44% of women are the primary breadwinners in a household now?
Related:How To Get A Rich Man To Be Your Boyfriend or Husband
Photo: Sailing at sunset from Port de Soller, Mallorca.
Author Bio:Sam started Financial Samurai in 2009 to help people achieve financial freedom sooner, rather than later. He spent 13 years working in investment banking, earned his MBA from UC Berkeley, and retired at age 34 in San Francisco.
Sams favorite free financial tool hes been using since 2012 to manage his net worth isPersonal Capital. Every month, Sam runs his investments through their free Retirement Planner and Investment Checkup tool to make sure he stays financially free, forever. Its free and easy to use.
For investing opportunities in 2019, Sam is most interested in investing in the heartland of America throughreal estate crowdfunding. Property valuations are much cheaper and net rental yields are much higher. There is a demographic trend towards moving away from higher cost areas of the country to lower cost areas thanks to technology.
I like what Shaun and Michelle had to say in this thread.
This article does not reflect anyone I know, male or female.
Q: Women, how do you tell if a guy is rich if he doesnt display any wealth?
Not applicable. Rich is not something Im scanning for. I look for professional, articulate and well-groomed. And in reality, I dont want a partner who spends a lot more than I do, because that can cause conflicts over lifestyle choices Im not comfortable paying my half on.
Q: Why do women overtly criticize wealthy men for being douchebags but secretly want to snag one of their own?
Not applicable. I dont criticize people for being wealthy. And I dont know anyone who would want a douchebag, even if s/he were rich. I wouldnt.
Q: Whats wrong with men being rich and successful?
Nothing! I love seeing men & women create their own success. And I consider myself one of them.
Q: Would you rather date a rich average looking guy, or a poor really good looking guy all else being equal?
Of these two artificially binary options, I would choose rich/average. I would also choose some other combos. Essentially, he needs to be able to support himself (because I wont), and we also need to be compatible in how we make spending decisions.
FS With the douchebag stuff, you might be confusing wealth and behaviour.
Or just remove the wealth variable and youll notice the same result. 😉
On our first date, a guy constantly droped numbers to impress me, and braged about how other women threw themselves at him for money. I then asked him whether he knew Wendy Whitehead, he said no. So I told him how Wendy made herself a billionaire with the help of her husband, and I have been looking for my own Mr. Whitehead. He shut up.
Wealthy guys looking for love just need to figure out whether the woman is interested in him or his money. Well leave that topic for another post!
Yeah this article is for men stupid enough to get married in a one-way modern society with the state
I am a millionaire and I dress like a bum. I have long hair, full beard, flirt with anyone I want..
The best part about this is Im in psychological research So I know whats up. The only people that are having trouble are the girls at the coffee shop I visit, at least five times a day. Theyre undeniably perplexed.
Its the best feeling in the world to know when someone has no fucking clue. The best part about this is I love my solitude and wouldnt trade it for anything.
The good thing about being wealthy is I can flaunt it with my fathers Rolex(gift) and my Dodge Challenger(gift) and I get laid(Im not very attractive.Then, telling women that i dont own squat and I love to watch their reactions! p.s I dont intend on getting married unless she was intelligent(uncommon).
What about the rappers like Kendrick Lamar (at least those who dress like bums but have CEO money), hell what about those that own and actively co and operate Slaughter houses? If you know anything about slaughter houses, you know that they literally rake money off their lawn (after the feces is cleared up of course). ANd I can bet you they dress like blue collar bums but probably live in million dollar homes? Then how can you tell the difference between million dollar bums and $10 bums?
Oh my, I accidentally came across this page. wtf. Gonna go to bed sad now. Disappointed with the human race.
This drives me nuts: Wealthy men in the San Francisco Bay Area make it a sport to look poorer than reality because its in our culture. Were the ones who pioneered Casual Fridays during the dotcom era and popularized billionaires who wear hoodies and flip flops at work. Absolutely correct but, unfortunate. I grew up in the sixties. Almost no one wore black clothing, t-shirts or sweatshirts. Im in the company of foreigners all the time and occasionally I will hear about what sloppy and slovenly poor dressers men are in the US. My wife has pointed out how this type of heinous dressing comes from men today not wanting to appear to look gay. I have to agree, although while gays used to dress well they now dress just as badly as everyone else. Hearken back to the Rat Pack days. Guys in that era were proud of the way they dressed and knew how to do it. They could match clothes well. Yes, men have always had a tougher time coordinating than women but, compared to today, forget it. Men today know how to throw on a black t-shirt or anything black or grey and jeans and thats about it. Oh, dont forget sports clothing. My father never wore a t-shirt and always had on a collard shirt. While it may be hard to believe and yes, Im proud of this, I dont own a single item of black clothing, not one! I also dont own any t-shirts except for white that I wear under my shirt. Also, my kids arent allowed to wear t-shirts out side the house and they never have. My three kids have been given many nice compliments about how they dress and they love it. When I get dirty around the house its always in an old polo. Perhaps its time to throw away the t-shirts and sweats. Just one wealthy mans opinion.
Seek Jesus and HE will solve all of your problems, nothing else will. God Bless.
MAN, this entire article is pretty much how to turn yourself into a good golddigger without looking too susceptible. When I get rich, Im just gonna take a day to walk around looking like a raggidty hobo and smell real bad just with a guy whos dressed the part of a rich fella just to see how many hoes I find in one day. Because if your love life is based on a man with a 100k+ salary, then is the markings of a hoe and you can never be truly happy, dont care what you say. Because after all, you liked him first because he was well off right?
Me too man. Once I hit $100k, I am buying a big ass house (full payment, no mortgage), two cars, a fancy ass GMC and a crappy little honda. And I will be abusing that honda. And I will still dress like I came from the hood (not the designer version, the 80s no worth version). but smelling good. At least you can definetely tell whos real about love and whos real about money.
Some agree and some disagree here, this day and age if youre hoping to date a young girl in the USA nice guys are certainly not rewarded, the mating culture is actually quite the opposite. In fact being a douchebag is practically a good thing.
We even wrote about this in relative detail, basically all girls call their ex boyfriends Wait for itdouchebags! (D-bags for short, proud to be d-bags for sure). So basically most douchebags actually end up having healthy sex lives (fulfilling we can leave up to debate).
Will try to peruse the blog more, interesting observations nonetheless.
Oh one final one, food for thought, if you have no interest in marriage/kidsit kind of kills the stealth wealth (avoiding gold digger problems) because simply put who cares if she knows at that point.
change the title to, The Gold Diggers Guide to digging deep into a man to find out if hes made of Gold
Yes, that would be much more appropriate, also mention that you dont mind using your wealth as leverage for power and domination in the relationship, but most guys like dominance.
Watches can be a massive giveaway of wealth working in the finance industry I have learnt to recognise and appreciate some of the more popular or iconic timepieces and researched enough to hold a short conversation about them (despite there being no way I can justify owning one myself).
This actually comes in more handy with clients than co-workersits amazing how many clients I see who will claim to be financially struggling, but are wearing watches worth more than my monthly salary. Complementing them on their watch and asking a relevant question lets them know that I know enough about their attire that they arent telling me the whole truth.
I really like your post. It livens up what is usually a boring subject. Btw, I like boring too, and read a lot of boring personal finance articles.
For women who want to follow this advice, though, a few caveats. Like everything, this is work. Identify a good watch? Takes work. There are so many watches out there, let alone brands. Id add shoes as well. Many wealthy men have good shoes. But it is work to know enough to identify good shoe brands as well.
And then theres the limited chance to have the effort payoff. The number of men sporting nice shoes is low, and the number of false positives (men buying shoes with debt) is compounded by the number of wealthy men not wearing nice shoes. And many wealthy men dont wear watches (or something stupid like a pebble). Plus, the chances of finding a five figure watch on a wrist of a single guy is pretty low. Btw, Rolex is typically a negative indicator (except Daytona in ss).
Much better odds I think (and probably more fun for women) is Princeton mom. Find someone smart and motivated, and marry before he earns his money and earn it together. statistics say that married men make more money, and smart men know this. And smart rich men who happen to be unmarried also know that getting married is of limited financial upside (they already made their money).
I have one friend who is wealthy and single and under 40 and looking to get married. There is a reason he is still unmarried!
@Parlayjoe, thats what I was thinking. I read Made In America, and Matt Hughes is a metaphor for America, right, wrong, good, bad, and all points in between.
Sam, its true that there are women who are going out and looking for wealth. But I think that its more accurate to say that women prefer men who are in some sort of stable position, rather than needing an ultra-wealthy guy making a half million a year or with a 5 million dollar net worth. Those guys can be really cocky and it is off-putting.
There are also multiple reasons for being poor. If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck while raking in $100,000 a year, then I probably dont want to date you. If you are into yoga and dont believe in material possessions, then it is ok for you to be completing your umpteenth unpaid internship while definitely not supporting yourself. Granted, a golddigger would not really differentiate between the two, but a normal woman would.
Ive dated rich guys and poor guys and normally the poor guys have better personalities and are kinder people. This is why theres a stereotype that rich men are automatically douchebags. It has a tiny root in reality. Its nice to date someone wealthy who wants to and is fully capable of paying for everything, but its not a requirement. Also, someone who has the idea that men are required to pay on dates tends to think in terms of rigidly defined gender roles, which means that hes not open to being a stay at home parent while I keep my career. Its all in what you want out of life or a relationship.
You might be right. But imagine finding that humble, kinda, funny rich guy. What a catch for any woman whose family will be set for life!
I always like to think of this situation from a parents point of view of a son or daughter looking.
The bottom line for me is that looks can be incredibly deceiving. How many times have I been mistaken when trying to judge someones wealth by first looks!
I think there is a lot of room for discussion in your posting. For example, on what basis are you asserting that rich men are more likely to have expensive clothing or cars? Or that men in venture capital or investment banking are more likely to be rich.
In fact if you look at IRS data the truth is more american millionaires are modest small business owners. Its the guy in the plaid shirt who runs a successful construction company, not the seemingly well heeled NY banker who makes up the bulk of American wealth.
That said, I think you are correct that there is a class of women who spend time looking for rich guys to marry.
Sweet Enjoy. Youve been to hard on yourself, could be hit by a bus tomorrow. YOLO, haha
Everyone else glossed over the bash on people that lease cars?? Why buy a depreciating asset and incur maintenance costs? Same payment every month, no surprises, new car every 3 years. I know your rule on cars, but if you enjoy motor sports, are you allowed at least one vice? Have you ever seen the price of labor and replacement parts on a German sports sedan?
Feel free to lease a car if you wish, so long as you make 10X the value of the car. Leasing is definitely better for those whose time is more valuable because they make more money, and who have businesses where they can partially write off the expense.The 1/10th rule for car buyingis a guiding principle. Youre free to go crazy and break the rule if you love cars. I wont tell!
Thanks Sam Not going crazy but if you can afford the payment you can afford the payment. Most experts say not more then 20% of your net should be car payments, which is crazy. Id say about 5% of my take home is the payment, but man listen to that engine!! 🙂
Cool. Its an individual choice. But btw, if you are worried about the cost of replacement parts down the road, maybe thats a hint you are spending more on the car than you should!
Im waiting for the new 335i BMW coupe to come out this Fall. Should be a beauty. The new 911s look and sound sweet though!
Im not a woman, but I totally agree that you can generally tell who the well off men are by the subtle differences in the way they dress, speak and carry themselves. Watches are a great indicator because they allow a guy to show off his wealth without being too overt about it (generally).
Way back in the 1980s, it was possible toLEASEa Rolex. Oh, yes!:-) I worked with a guy who did it, drove a leased BMW, and had a Palm Springs timeshare. We had the same job, salary, title, education, etc.
Wish I could say that his profligate ways bore rotten fruit. But he was constantly with strikingly beautiful women, had amazing adventures (I once tagged along to a black-tie event, meeting Pierce Brosnan, Emma Samms, and Milli Vanillidid I say it was the 80s?!?!!), and wound up married to an heiress and lives an accordant lifestyle. But to me, he will always be the dude who leased a Rolex.
Man, that guy scored! Its all about a means to an end, and he got the mother load after all!
Yes, he did! Not slightly envious, though, I am also married to a very attractive, fun, smart and kind multi-millionaire.:-)
Nice. Whats a few million between friends anyway.
Funny story a friend of mine and I used to be all about watches. We had always had at least 1 watch for every day of the week and the watches cost $100 or more at the time. I still have one of those fancy watches. I literally paid like $300 for it at Macys!, but the battery has been dead for years.
Since Im not dressing to impress much anymore, I buy some of the cheapest junk out there (last watch I bought was for a mere $8). Would my DW have picked me as her hubby without a fancy watch and dress? Ill never know, and dont think she cares too much anymore since she stays at home with the kiddos like we both wanted.
One note, the reason that I buy very inexpensive watches, is because I enjoy doing work around the house and Im usually wearing the watch. So when I smash it into a 24 or slab of concrete because I need it to move and Im not paying attention, I can easily replace it. 🙂 Yes, I know its easy enough to take off, but I dont really care much about the watch. It serves me one purpose, that is to tell me the time of day and date. Although I used to own one that also had a remote controller for a TV and VCR. LOL
A better question is, how would she define rich? Better yet, how rich is rich? Id imagine that she wouldnt be able to articulate her thoughts using the diction that she demands.
More important than your stereotypes that are clearly anti-The Millionaire Next Door, how was Mallorca? 🙂
I think rich is either $500,000 a year income or $5 million+ net worth or both! At these levels, nobody can make an argument this person is not rich, even if they are living in Switzerland.
Mallorca was fantastic. A summer to remember for sure!
Here is my story of why single men love growing old. And we can all thank and blame women.
I actually did a little experiment recently to see how women react to the wealth factor. I went on two different dating sites. The first I didnt display any hints of wealth, the second I did. I used the same pictures other than a couple where you could conclude a level of wealth from looking at them. Honestly I had good success on both, but the shear volume and ferocity that the women that saw wealth was very telling. Yes I 100% agree that women and men do not and should not marry for money, but it will get the attention of a higher level of women if they know you are not some slacker off the street. Women want somebody that they feel has their act together and can be proud of datingbeing rich will not get you the girl, but it will get you that first date, the rest depends on your personality and skills in dating!
Dont sell yourself and women short. Maybe you are a just a really good looking person?!?
Ha, thanks! Im going to roll with that assumption! Seriously thoughits 99% chemistry after initially meeting a woman, but I get hot chicks coming out of the woodwork to ask me out, it cannot just be a coincidence.
So here is the scoopfirst off all of the information provided in both profiles (on different dating sites) were 100% truthful and all the displays of wealth are really my paid for things. Im reasonably attractive & fit btw. The descriptions of me and what I like to do, family, hobbies, what Im looking for were identical. The difference was in the wealthy profile, I inserted a subtle picture where you can see my home in the background if you pay attention, a couple pictures of me at the race track with some of my different cars & a sunset picture from my backyard over looking the water. Also I gave a general income range as well. I did go on nice dates from both, but I would get emails from literally all over the country (& world). I would get pretty racy photos and suggestive emails from extremely attractive women. On the normal guy site, I still got numerous responses but no where near the fevered pitch as on the rich guy site. Long story short, my conclusion is there is a massive shortage of the type of men women are looking for compared to the amount of available attractive, articulate, successful women out there.
One of my best friends is a multi millionaire. He lives in his modest home, drives a work truck with more than 300,000 miles on it, and routinely wears a dirty work uniform with his name on it. He usually looks like he just spent his last nickle. B