A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniverserys are the next day. Poor man, What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversery? Rich man, I got her a pink farrari and a diamond ring. Poor man, What made you choose those gifts? Rich man, She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car… The poor, Man nodds in agreement. Rich man, What did you get your wife? Poor man, I got my wife a pair of cheep slippers and a dildo. Rich man, Why did you choose those gifts? Poor man, Well if she doesnt like the slippers she can go f*uck herself.
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Teacher and her 3 boy students: Teacher: Why did you laugh? Boy 1: I saw a strap of your bra. Teacher: You are punished to stay out of school for one week. Boy 2 laughed Teacher: Why did you laugh? Boy 2: I saw your bra straps. Teacher: You are punished to stay out of school for one month. Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class Teacher: Why are you leaving? Boy 3: I think my school days are over.
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Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, Rudolph with your cock so strong… Fuck my arsehole all night long! Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, Rudolph the well hung reindeer… Youre so lucky Santas gay
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Q: How big are the pastros beds? A: Oh cmon, it knows every little kid.
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Q: What did one boob say to the other boob? A: It is nice to see you partner.
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything. About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, If he does that again, Im definitely going to mention it. Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me? Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm, he explained. Really, what do you take for that? she asked. Ian replied, Pepper.
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Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
A woman walks into her sex thearapists office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it? The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens. The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills? The therapist replies she dosnt know but says to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before. She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills? The therapist once again tells her to give it a try. The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better. She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle? The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesnt know what a full bottle would do to a person. The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee. A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: Are you the idiot who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra? Why yes young man I did? Why? Well moms dead, my sisters Pregnant, my A Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty
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In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language. My skit on the diphthong clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.
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A man is on a plane. The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on. The pilot says to the co-pilot, I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob. Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom. The man stands up and says, Hey hun, dont forget the coffee.